Wednesday, June 25, 2008

Zombie Reagan Fer President!

Well, I wuz jes a thankin about who should foller in th' Feetsteps of good ol' GW, th' Gratest American President in the history of th' Universe! All 6,000 years!

And I thought fer about one second.....

Zombie Reagan would have th' character and the know how ta lead this cuntry further inta th' glory that is th' Bush legacy! Thank about it.....

He gots that thar famous way with wurds! LIke "Well, I knew Zombie Kennedy and you are no Zombie Kennedy." That would win any debate!

Reagan's corpse has gots th' Intelligence of GW...that innate natural ability ta delegate to th' best and th' brightest....

Reagan fresh from th' Grave...My choice fer 2008!

Why Jeremiah aint votin fer John McCain

That thar John McCain has got me more riled than a rattlesnake in a barrel full of rudabegos!

I aint a votin fer him with my traceless vote and you shouldnt neither! I will tell you what for:


1. He was not a good pilot. He got shot down by them thar commies! Ol' GW didnt git shot down did he? I dont thank so.....If a man caint fly a plane then how can he fly America? He Caint that's how!

2. After he got shot down because of his lack of flyin skills, he jez gave up.....to the commies! THat thar is cuttin' and runnin if'n you ask me......Ol' GW woulda gone down fightin like a real man....He shore wuz chompin at the bit ta go I bet!

But it gits worse.....

3. He didnt even try ta escape....he gave in and gave up dint he? who wuz he waitin fer, Chuck Norris or Rambo ta git him out? Republicans do thangs fer themselves dangit!

And who knows what secrets he gave them thar vietnams.....that is probably why all our shirts is made thar...John McCain gave them our secret nylon formula! Dangit now I caint ware that thar ninja outfit anymore!

Now, is that thar th' kind of leadership our cuntry is lookin fer? I dont thank so.....He was a bad pilot that cut and run and then gave up and gave in....

He spent his "captivity" after surrenderin' at that thar Vietnamese Hanoi Hilton! Sounds pretty nice ta me......Here is th' description frum its web site...

"this magnificent boutique-style hotel is a fusion of two long established traditions – gentle Vietnamese hospitality and graciousness, and the Hilton’s assurance of total reliability, impeccable service and first-class facilities.
The minute you arrive at your new 7 stories colonial styled home, you feel the warm, friendly embrace of the Hilton Hanoi Opera Hotel. This grand new hotel blends beautifully with its surrounding environment – a new landmark that sits elegantly in the heart of the city center within walking distance of the business district, local attractions & shopping districts, especially the Old Quarter."

Sounds nice dont it?


He does have some good thangs though....He does want ta stay in Iraq fer 100 years, and I support that fer shure! And I like his youth appeal....

Friday, March 28, 2008

Jez a Thankin

Here I wuz, all sittin nice and cozy in my bunker (It h'aint been foreclosed yet) , jez waitin fer the world ta end in a giant race war, when Otha told me about that thar Presidential election.

Now, Jez ta make clear. I dont vote. Thar's two many choices and it makes that thar plate in my hed tingle. I jez let that thar company do my votin fer me, becuz they know who is better for this here cuntry than a simple country ninja like me ever would.

But I thank that lettin a womurn run this hyar nashun would be plum stoopid. We gotta have standards for god's sake! I mean, what is she a gonna do, cry them terrorists ta deth? I dont thank so. These hardened evildoers wont brake that easy. Dont you thank GW done tried that?

Plus, nobody wants ta go through the hell that was them thar Clinton years. I mean, he lied! And about somethin important too!

Then, that other libral has a name that ryhmes with Osama. You know, like Obama Bin Laden! And his middle name is Saddam Hussein. THat jez proves that th' Democrat party is a bunch a terrorists. Thank about it!

Lissen friends, I dont thank that thar John McCain is all that grate either. I mean, he had a illigitamate black baby and wuz brainwashed in that thar Vietnamese Prison camp. I saw that movie! Also, anybody that does not go down fightin and surrenders instead is questionable in my and GW's opinion! Fight to th' last. That's what I would do if the military would take me!

Nope, I still like ol' GW. Thar is somethin about that man that jez seems real. Like I would like ta have a beer with him after a hard day of waterboardin terrorists. Of course, it would be hard ta wash th' blood of millions of Iraqis off our hands but we shore would try and try! Whooo dogg I jez like sittin back and thankin about me and ol GW! Two real men havin a manly time.

Well, anywho, I jez wanted ta say howdy. Dont forget. Tell them thar executives ta cast yor traceless vote fer Bush! Two more years! Two more years!

Wednesday, December 05, 2007

Lesson for LIbrals

And it Rhymes too!

Remember...Christianity is a religion of piece!



Saturday, December 01, 2007

MOVIE WARNING- DEVIL MOVIE IN THEATERS NOW!

Watch out feller Christians!

Thar is a new movie in them thar cinemascope houses that seeks ta brainwash yor children inta worshippin libral multi-cultural gay devil ideas! And it wants ta teach anklebiters ta hate Christianity, the religion of peace!

The Golden Compass

First off, Thar is Polar bares in this hyar movie! That is clearly a plot ta humanize them so's kids will believe in th' Global Warmin' and allow Hillary ta raise taxes! And who's voice do they use ta anthramoporfize it? Ian McKellan, England's oldest gay! Tarnation....

Secondly, Nicole Kidman is in it! She wuz the one that divorced that homersexual and refused ta raise his youngins! Is that th' kind of harlot you want yor kidfolk ta watch? It's catchin ya know...

And I git it from good sources that "I heard that he (The Author of the Golden Compass) has made remarks that he wants to kill God in the minds of children, and that's what his books are all about. "

Kill God? Daddy, stop spinnin in yor grave, I wont let that movie kill God....I sware! I am a goin down to th' cineoplex right now ta protest until they take that movie out of thar! Some thangs are so bad that a man has ta take to th' streets!

Don't go see this hyar fairy tale! Believin that drinking the blood and eating the skin of somebody that crawled outta thar grave ta git ta heaven is all th' fairly tale we need.....

Boycott the Golden Compass! Show them fancy pants Hollywood Librals that we won't put up with bad movies!

Thursday, November 29, 2007

Mission Accomplished- How BushCo saved the war in Vietnam. A story by Jeremiah Bullfrog

Hyar it is so fur......

It was 1968...The Vietnam War was in full swing...The draft was taking kids from their homes and dropping them in a strange land...And on a Texas ranch a hard-working, plainspoken young boy was about to become a man...

CHAPTER 1
Walk Like A Man

GW was a saunterer. Most people said He sauntered, but GW always said it was
considered walking where He was from. He thought of His life as He walked toward the mansion where the rest of the Bush clan was gathered, waiting for his big announcment.
A natural born leader, GW had always sought out the road less traveled. He was skilled in many things, but restless and unmanageable. He had bested many of his teachers before moving on to others, where He would again dominate with his keen intelligence and brute physical strength. Finally, speechless, His many teachers had to let Him go, to the plainer places where He felt at home.

GW was not only an intellectual giant, nor just a man of steel. Despite His
abilities, GW was a man of the people. Many times, GW would jump into an old truck on the ranch, drive out to the prairie, and just cut brush all day long, tiring out the ranch hands, many of whom had been cutting brush for years. “How the Hell does He do it?” they would exclaim, as their own saws would wear out from the effort of keeping up. GW would just smile and keep on cutting, long after the rest had given up and gone home. Out there, it was just the brush and Him, and GW would never leave the brush uncut. It just was not in his nature to leave hard work for someone else to do.

GW always felt ill at ease in the family mansion with its manicured lawns, fancy chandeliers and man-servants. The family pool was filled with money instead of water, and his brothers Neil and Jeb would often spend their days lounging in it, chasing the loose women that came just to get a glimpse of GW, who was always too busy with manly endeavors to notice them. They were only simple floosies, with nothing to offer but vaginas. It would take a woman with a vagina and something more to slow him down. Something like the everlasting love of sweet sweet Jesus.You see, GW was also a religious boy. He realized early on that Jesus was the only true god, and that worshipping him required abstinence until marriage. Some nights GW would lie in bed, his evil member throbbing, begging to be released. He would fight the carnal urges by reciting bible passages in his head. “First Timothy 1:12, 2nd Corinthians 3:43”, and on and on until He slept. He would awake in the morning with renewed commitment to abstinence and nothing but. He remained chaste until He met his wife, who would receive His virgin load as God commanded.
On this fateful day, GW sauntered into the mansion with determination. He was about to tell the family of His plan. Always a keen student of world politics, GW realized unless America intervened, the Godless Communists would take Vietnam. GW had spent many nights laying awake thinking about how, if Vietnam fell, then the rest of the world would fall to Communism, like Dominoes almost. At least that was his theory. So GW had decided to join the Marine Infantry and fight for His country. He knew that his parents would not like the decision, but GW was not about to let a war go by without testing His mettle on the battlefield...it just wasn’t His nature...What would people say years from now if He did not volunteer? That He was a coward? That his Daddy got Him out of the fight by putting Him in some pussy champagne unit full of rich boys? Not if GW had anything to say about it, they wouldn’t.
GW walked in, kissed his mother deeply and began to speak....

CHAPTER 2
The Dick Also Rises

His name was Richard Cheney but everyone called him The Dick. They called him The Dick due to his habit of referring to himself in the third person. Well built, with a constitution of iron and thick lustrous hair, The Dick would have been quite the ladies’ man had he not been a follower of Jesus from early on. This Dick was saving himself for that one special girl, a girl that could understand the complicated nature of a man so comfortable with killing and yet so in love with life. During hunting season, after killing his share of deer, antelope, buffalo, ducks, rabbits, squirrels, groundhogs, mink, moose, and fish, The Dick would bring his haul in to the local trading post. People would see him riding into town and they would yell out, “The Dick is coming, The Dick is coming.”

The Dick was legendary for his shooting ability. He could peg anything from far away, barely glancing at the target. The Dick was constantly shooting. It was like an obsession with him. He spent so much time at the scope of his rifle that he developed a strange squint, almost making him look like he had only one eye. Early in the morning he would rise, wipe the sleep from his eye and grab his gun. Needless to say, something would die if ol’ one-eyed Dick had it in his sights.

When The Dick heard of the whole Vietnam thing, he realized this was his chance. America needed The Dick, and The Dick was ready. Years of shooting had led him to this moment. He could not let his country down...He had once before, but back then he was sooo tired and had a big day at work in the morning. The Dick vowed never again would he be caught limp, unready for battle...

The Dick walked into the Marine recruiter’s office and said, “The Dick is already a killing machine. Whatever you teach me will only enhance the amount of killing I can do. Please send me to the most dangerous part of Vietnam because I feel the need to test myself in the heat of battle.” The recruiter looked at The Dick and exclaimed, “By God, you are the bravest Dick in the land. We have just the assignment for you, with a small group of specialist commandoes we are putting together. Can you work in a team of killers like yourself?” The Dick just stood at attention and spit out, “Sir Yes sir!”
The Viet Cong had no idea that the tide turned against them that very day....
To Be Continued

Wednesday, October 24, 2007

Hillary wants ta give terrorists healthcare!

Hillary-care is a communist marxist socialist plot ta make every kid in the country healthy!

a. If ever kid in the country wuz healthy what do you thank would happen? I know....

b. Who's next? You? Me? Our Neighbors? The terrorists? No one is safe from the Doctors with thar fancy scopes and clean, germ-free hospital rooms!

Let me theorolate fer ya:

1. America is filled with Americans
2. Some Americans is librals
3. All Liberals are un-american
4. Terrorists is un-american
5. All Librals is terrorists
6. And Becuz Hillary wants everbody to be forced ta git health care....
7. Hillary wants terrorists ta git health care...

And who is goin ta pay fer all this here castor oil and leeches and such? I know these kids caint afford it....they has given enough to th' little whinin anklebiters I say! What with most of them poor rich folk volunteerin ta serve in GW's great vision fer th' future....they has give and give...thay jez caint give no more....

Personally, I want th right ta say "Hell naw!" You aint gonna treat this here gash! It is my right as a American ta choose to not be able ta go ta th' doctor......Besides, I can do my own healthcare, jez like Rambo, Die Hard, and Terminator...Although my rheumatiz has been actin up lately....Need ta eat more cole slaw!

You thought I wuz gone?

Hell Naw!

Some thangs I need ta clear up:

1. Larry Craig is not a gay

2. Ted Haggard is not a gay

3. This Christian Clown is not gay

4. This hear Christian Preacher is not gay

5. This Republican Congressman is not gay

6. The Democrats is burnin down California as an effort to raise taxes and politicize Iraq!

a. How dare them librals politicize Iraq!

b. I git so tired of the Democrat Party coddlin' our enemies!

7. Hell naw...this aint happenin! Maybe this